


Okay...

by mrsbrightside00



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Helplessly in Love, Hurt, One-Sided Attraction, This is gonna hurt okay?, Widojest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23055361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsbrightside00/pseuds/mrsbrightside00
Summary: They kiss, and Caleb is so happy about it. It must mean something.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Kudos: 18





	Okay...

Maybe the first time you were a little drunk, but it was only a kiss– a kiss she had given u back, so gentle...soft and careful. You got your palm on her cheek and pull back to see those bright purple eyes. She doesn’t kiss you again–after all, you are a bit drunk. You all go to sleep, with a smile and your face.

You don’t talk about it the next morning. Nor the next day or week.

But you are together again, alone. And you feel in your gut and your low self-esteem you shouldn’t do this, you are a bad man that doesn’t deserve that mischievous smile she gives you, nor her gentleness or her pastries. But you can’t help yourself. It’s so easy to slide in her space. And today you are the one misbehaving–again. You are sitting on the same cushion. You wait for her to close her eyes to put your face near hers.

She opens her eyes again. –May I?–The prankster cleric closes the space between your mouth and hers. You are so glad you are in your five senses so you can enjoy this. Her lips are so soft and they feel like they haven’t been kissed in a long time, unsure. But Jester still opened her mouth, letting your tongue in and you can taste her so much better. Is passionate and soft at the same time. Your hand is in her hair- her oh so silk-like hair, messy, captivating. You feel her hand running thru your back- searching for a bit of uncovered skin, for you have let your cloak hanging. You two fall down on the cushion and you don’t feel the hours pass, you are only kissing. But you have wanted this for so long... you could die in the very next moment and you wouldn’t care– she is in your arms, you can feel her heart racing.

And now you are in your room. You can’t stop smiling. This must mean she likes you, at least a little bit, right?

Right?

So when she explains to you she does like you– but not in that way– your heart shatters again. She is really sorry, she needed to clarify it. But she never gives you an explanation of why she let you kiss her. Why? Why would she kiss someone she doesn’t like, like that? Why would she kiss someone like that? Jester was the one who said kisses were special, what happened? Your head is blurry and you just hope she doesn’t notice your vision is too. She says you are one of her best friends and she doesn’t want to hurt you –you know she means it. She is Jester, of course, she doesn’t want to hurt you– but it does. You want to rip your heart out. But you say is okay, she smiles, she was so worried you wouldn’t want to talk to her again. She hugs you. You see her smile and are a bit happy you lied. You don’t want her to carry your broken heart, is yours after all. It’s all you. And it was all in your head.

–Also, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Beau lately...I need to think things— That is the sentence that completely undoes you.

—Ya, that’s cool. You should take your time to figure that kind of stuff out—

You excuse yourself, smiling. As soon as she is far and no one sees you, you break. Shattered. Broken. Of course, she wouldn’t love you of all people. Never. How could you think it could ever happen? How could you believe it?

And then she said this thing about Beau. Beau who you suspect likes her back. And you feel so selfish for being in love with her. So you try to let it go. Even though you feel guilty you are not as happy for them as you should. You are a shitty friend. Person.

You back off. You put a facade. They are your friends after all, and you love them -love- and you can’t lose them. So you stay and act the same. Like nothing happened.

Everyone thinks you are not hurt.

You are okay.

Okay?

**Author's Note:**

> I love widojest and I love happy things. But I am also hurt.


End file.
